The Lumber Room

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Archive for the ‘funny’ Category

Windows vulnerability

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Written by S

Mon, 2007-04-02 at 14:36:36 +05:30

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Technology

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Often fails.

That is part of why Futurama was so funny — its very first episode had automatic doors hitting people, and so on.

Roomba: My life is not more efficient

Written by S

Sat, 2007-03-31 at 12:27:33 +05:30

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Management-speak

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BBC – Berkshire – voices2005 – Management-speak

More by Gene Weingarten: Read it and lacrimate — Managers and PRpeople not only speak the language, they also understand it.

Written by S

Fri, 2007-03-30 at 17:19:34 +05:30

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Short movies

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There’s Movies in Fifteen Minutes by Cleolinda Jones. Writes awesomely, sometimes. Knows stuff. Has written a book. My favourite is Troy, although lots of them are good, Prisoner of Azkaban for example.

There’s Movie-A-Minute, which has ultra-condensed versions of the movies.

There’s Movies in 30 seconds enacted by bunnies. Which are great!

There’s movies in 5 seconds on Youtube, which consist of frames from the actual movie…

There’s also The Reduced Shakespeare Company, which has done things like the Star Wars movies old and new.

Written by S

Mon, 2007-03-19 at 15:13:49 +05:30

Posted in entertainment, funny

Clive James at the BBC

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can write! (Actually, they’re transcripts of a BBC radio show…)

Hurley burley on celebritism, the paparazzi…
Loud and clear on speaking, accents…
The name changing fidgets on names, marketing language…
Bare fists, flying bullets making fun of martial art films… (but making fun of martial art films for not being realistic, making fun of Monty Python and the Holy Grail for being made on a small budget…)
Plastic, but not fantastic on plastic surgery
Keeping up with the Jameses on “green” issues, although I’m not clear about the point…
About the man himself

Written by S

Tue, 2007-03-13 at 15:19:44 +05:30

Posted in entertainment, funny

Google’s superpowers

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We’ve long had jokes about wanting to grep for car keys. It looks like it is Google that will eventually do the task.

Today it can find lost tortoises in your house. Tomorrow, it can find anything?

Written by S

Sat, 2007-03-03 at 19:21:56 +05:30

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Superman

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We always knew about Superman (there’s even a wiki), but now the the BBC confirms it. :-)

Edit: Oops, let down by the BBC once again. There used to be a fourth paragraph in the article saying something like “A man in a Superman costume was also observed moving about near the scene of the incident, although he did not offer to help the woman. His identity is unknown”. You had to be there…

Written by S

Sat, 2007-03-03 at 10:09:35 +05:30

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Microsoft parody

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Written by S

Fri, 2007-03-02 at 19:04:41 +05:30

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Headlines

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Another source: http://paul.merton.ox.ac.uk/language/press.html
Another source: http://funnies.paco.to/Headlines.html
A source: http://www.btinternet.com/~knutty.knights/headlines.txt
[2011-09-04]: There’s a website for this, with links to real sources: http://www.crashblossoms.com/

“Loose nut screws washers and bolts”.

When a midget spiritualist escaped from police: “Small Medium At Large”

“General flies back to front” (perhaps not even an intentional pun.)

“Man found dead in graveyard”

A boat load of illegal immigrants landed on Jupiter Island, which is somewhere in Florida: “Aliens land on Jupiter”.

“Icelandic fish talks – not likely”

From a newspaper in Normal, Illinois: “Normal Girl Weds Oblong Boy”

“Police Murder Suspect in Court”

“Sons of Toil Buried in Tons of Soil.”

Story about Renee Zellweger’s marriage. “Bridget Jones’s dowry.”

“New Vaccine May Contain Rabies”

“Passengers Hit by Cancelled Trains”

“STRIP CLUB SHOCK: Magistrates May Act on Indecent Shows”

“Iraqi Head Seeks Arms”

“Clinton Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead”

“Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board”

Ones I have actually found myself:
Church confirms she is pregnant

Written by S

Fri, 2007-03-02 at 14:48:33 +05:30

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Debugging war story

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Beli told me this story of Anshul and his computer at Govindu.

Who would have thought that if touching your computer screen gives you an electric shock, the solution is to go water the owner’s plants?

Written by S

Wed, 2007-02-21 at 21:56:32 +05:30

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The only place Americans are welcome

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Written by S

Sun, 2007-02-18 at 00:43:08 +05:30

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Is the Pope catholic? Does a bear shit in the woods?

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No

Written by S

Thu, 2007-02-08 at 11:12:32 +05:30

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Greasemonkey script

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Via Lifehacker:
Eliminate extra exclamation points!!! on Zieak’s Blog. (Is 7144 on userscripts.org.)
Fixing things at the wrong end?

Written by S

Tue, 2007-01-23 at 23:27:55 +05:30

Posted in funny

Funny warnings and signs

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I shouldn’t have read this Slashdot article. I did, and a couple of hours of my life are irrevocably gone. As usual.
MLAW, the Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch, has for a long time now been collecting silly lawsuits and stupid warning labels, as in this list here. (“Do not eat toner”, “Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover”, etc.) I also remember wasting time many years ago at dumbwarnings.com, who (IIRC) are related somehow to the book Wearing of This Garment Does Not Enable You to Fly.
Given the nature of Slashdot, and my nature, I was soon looking at creative pictures of warnings (also here), outright bizarre warnings, and, eventually, just funny signs in general. I remembered finding a very comprehensive collection about a year ago, so I found it again: Start here and keep clicking on next. There are 180, so it will take quite some time. I love the totally arbitrary Total 4663 sign. (BTW, I have it on Snopes’s authority that at least this one is real, and a few others as well.) There’s also Child Bear: try guessing what that is supposed to be without reading the Hindi!

Written by S

Sun, 2007-01-07 at 15:03:59 +05:30

Posted in funny

Either it’s irony, or it’s sad

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From the changelog in The 60 Minute Network Security Guide by NSA:

These updates where to fixes grammar and syntax.

Meanwhile, 99.9% of Proper Grammar Is Obsolete, an article that claims to be a parody but is frighteningly close to the truth.

Written by S

Sun, 2007-01-07 at 11:40:46 +05:30

Posted in funny

Simplexity of songs

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Knuth’s paper The Complexity of Songs
Paper by Broder and Stolfi, Pessimal Algorithms and Simplexity Analysis.

More generally, there is a paper A Stress Analysis of a Strapless Evening Gown which led to an apparently good book of the same name.

Apart from The Worm-Runner’s Digest which was the source of the above, there was Manifold (and a book), source of excellent stuff such as this, there is the Journal of Irreproducible Results, its rival Annals of Improbable Research (which awards the Ig Nobel Prizes), and (found through Wikipedia) Null Hypothesis. Sigh, there is competition in every market.

Written by S

Mon, 2006-12-04 at 07:47:08 +05:30

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You just can’t kill some people, apparently

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From a fortune quote:

The Least Successful Executions
        History has furnished us with two executioners worthy of attention.
The first performed in Sydney in Australia.  In 1803 three attempts were
made to hang a Mr. Joseph Samuels.  On the first two of these the rope
snapped, while on the third Mr. Samuels just hung there peacefully until he
and everyone else got bored.  Since he had proved unsusceptible to capital
punishment, he was reprieved.
        The most important British executioner was Mr. James Berry who
tried three times in 1885 to hang Mr. John Lee at Exeter Jail, but on each
occasion failed to get the trap door open.
        In recognition of this achievement, the Home Secretary commuted
Lee's sentence to "life" imprisonment.  He was released in 1917, emigrated
to America and lived until 1933.
                -- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"

I looked for, and found references to Joseph Samuels here.
The latter, John Lee, seems to have inspired even more curiosity: there is an account here, he gets a chapter of a book here, and the BBC had a programme about him, based on the work of someone who has done an incredible amount of research on the case, and even written a book! Quite interesting.

Written by S

Tue, 2006-11-07 at 21:42:16 +05:30

Posted in funny

Tracking down the Japanese “defective parts” anecdote

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I’d heard this anecdote about the Japanese explicitly sending defective parts because the order allowed for it. (Search Google for “other sources”.)
I haven’t actually found it on the Globe and Mail as it claims, but that doesn’t mean anything.
Anyway, I guess this is as reliable a source as I can ever hope to find ….

Written by S

Sat, 2006-11-04 at 16:06:00 +05:30

Posted in funny

Unpronounceable surnames

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There is a list of surnames (and anecdotes) here.

Reminds me of the joke (no point telling it like a joke now) of the Polish guy who goes to get an eyesight test, is asked if he can read the writing, reads

C Z W I X N O S T A C Z

, and informs the doctor he actually knows the guy.

Written by S

Fri, 2006-10-20 at 20:30:21 +05:30

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Star Wars music

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Written by S

Sat, 2006-09-30 at 13:15:32 +05:30

Posted in funny

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